Comments on Suburban Matron: Grrumph

Ok! We've never once met..but you have me rolling...

2009-09-11T23:14:02.792-04:00

Ok! We've never once met..but you have me rolling! I love your posts..reminds me so much of a dear friend of mine..Amy..you guys must be sisters! ;) See, I'm cracking my own self up! Can I just be one of the first to say...PLEASE, PLEASE WRITE A BOOK TOGETHER!! Really, I mean it. You guys would be an incredible team and would be on the NY Bestseller list in minutes!..and I would be totally fine with you saying something like "Thanks, Jane for the idea." in the acknowledgments. ;)

I wouldn't avoid her, because I think this is good...

2009-09-04T09:12:43.107-04:00

I wouldn't avoid her, because I think this is good for you, Beck! Didn't you post (sev. times) that you are learning to say "no" and set limits? What a great opportunity to practice!

Then, as more _normal_ people come into your life, saying no to them will be a cake walk.

Don't let her scare you, girl! I think Jane's advice is stellar.

Will you move in next door to me?

she can call a babysitter. she oversteps boundari...

2009-09-02T19:34:41.133-04:00

she can call a babysitter. she oversteps boundaries. probably doesn't have any. I would personally stay away from her.

Ugh, you guys are right. We are not really friends...

2009-09-02T12:48:46.913-04:00

Ugh, you guys are right. We are not really friends by any definition that I understand. I think she probably thinks of me as a friend because she doesn't have many.

And I hadn't thought of it this way, but mentioning that it was their anniversary WAS a kind of pressure.

I think I'm going to be less available for a while and see how that goes. And definitely say what V and Jane suggest--remind her of my schedule.

Good times in the 'hood.

Uh, yeah. I'm with everyone else. Last minute, i...

2009-09-02T09:56:17.734-04:00

Uh, yeah. I'm with everyone else. Last minute, in a text message, is poor form. Rough time or not, there's probably a reason she doesn't have any close friends, yeah?

You're seriously questioning yourself? Seriously? ...

2009-09-01T22:30:08.958-04:00

You're seriously questioning yourself? Seriously? I don't have a single FRIEND in my life that sends me a TEXT for something like that. My friends CALL and give me plenty of NOTICE and RESPECT my kids' bedtime. This lady is a joy-sucker. We've all known them and if we're being good to ourselves, we put LIMITS on how much ENERGY they get to take from our lives. Do you truly accept that your child can be her child's friend even if you do NOT help her? If your child's enjoyment of the other child is contingent upon you helping the other mom then your child is really not being given the opportunity to experience a good, healthy friendship. Close proximity can make for easy playdates, but children do get to an age where they become more discerning. I'm so sorry that this lady is a taker. I encourage you to quit giving for a bit and see how that all pans out.

You're mad because she took advantage of you, plai...

2009-09-01T22:29:08.693-04:00

You're mad because she took advantage of you, plain and simple. She should NEVER have given you a time frame if she didn't intend to keep it and from what you've said, she never does.

You're a nice neighbor and friend to help her out so much but I'd be pissed too.

This would be my response to FN's text... it's not...

2009-09-01T17:19:45.417-04:00

This would be my response to FN's text... it's not Miss Manners, but it might work out:

"Sounds great! Could we make it a little earlier? I need to start the bedtime routine around 8."

If you know she's prone to lateness, this would at least move forward the time at which she knows you'll be royally ticked by 30 minutes. And makes it clear that the time issue is important to you.

I once told a dear friend her wedding shower was half an hour before its actual start time. She arrived fashionably (but not insanely) late. :-)

sometimes i think text messaging has gone too far....

2009-09-01T16:56:58.998-04:00

sometimes i think text messaging has gone too far. but i am guilty of it too.

you did the good thing. it makes it even better that you did it even though you didn't want to do it. my, what a grown up you are!

Hmm. I'd watch out for this one. She may be shor...

2009-09-01T16:11:51.025-04:00

Hmm. I'd watch out for this one. She may be short on friends but she does have a mother. I've got a friend like this and nearly ended up getting sucked into her vortex of chaos. Just sayin'.

When someone is rude or discourteous and I don't say anything, I tend to get even madder. Maybe if she brings it up to thank you, you can let her know that being late doesn't work for you on a school night?

I'm with "fraught," this was really a babysitter s...

2009-09-01T15:31:08.064-04:00

I'm with "fraught," this was really a babysitter situation, if they wanted the flexibility of being late. I like that you made her come to the door. Now that she's seen her disruption, how about this next time: "Great, we'll see you at 8:30. Perfect timing--that's exactly when Laura needs to start getting ready for her 9:00 bedtime." That way you're reminding her of your schedule, rather than overtly reminding her to be polite and considerate.

I think it is the last minute anniversary WEEKDAY ...

2009-09-01T12:20:18.058-04:00

I think it is the last minute anniversary WEEKDAY phone call at 6:00 that went over the line. I hate to sound unromantic, but anniversaries do not HAVE to be celebrated on a Monday night. But if they HAVE to then they are planned in advance. And the parties involved make sure they are home and ready early so that they are doing the child drop off at 6:00 and not 7:15.
I like you even more after reading this--you are kind, perceptive and a good neighbor/friend to FN and little P.

Friends are the people you call to help you at 1 i...

2009-09-01T09:11:20.520-04:00

Friends are the people you call to help you at 1 in the morning. Babysitters are the people you call if you want to go out for dinner.

And if you are going to TEXT a friend to ask AT THE LAST MINUTE if they could watch your kid while you go out to dinner, you are FORBIDDEN to mention that it is your anniversary. Because that is the most unsubtle sort of pressure, "NP" or no.

No wonder it rubbed you wrong. It was poor form from the git-go. Yes, it's a good feeling to be able to help when someone is in need. But she sounds like someone who might easily slide into abusing your kind nature and benevolent generosity, dear Matron.

I'm going to have to chime in with the others... I...

2009-09-01T09:10:02.860-04:00

I'm going to have to chime in with the others... It's not like she didn't know when her anniversary was. She could've asked sooner. And not in a text.

Seriously? They just remembered it was their anni...

2009-09-01T07:10:44.206-04:00

Seriously? They just remembered it was their anniversary? B.S.! Girl's a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

The fact that she asked you in a text message the ...

2009-09-01T06:58:20.478-04:00

The fact that she asked you in a text message the day of the event was a little inconsiderate. I know that would have annoyed me too.